Warped body image , the skinny girls struggle!





It's actually mad how inadequate I can feel sometimes being that 'skinny black girl' especially as I never used to be this slim an believe it or not once upon a time I actually had an ass it hurts to think back to those glorious days before I got ill and underweight.

It's crazy how self conscious I became once I lost the little curves I had, I'd always thought a black girl with no ass is such a sad thing ...  until I was that girl I took it all for-granted I never for a moment thought it would be possible for me to become quit severely underweight . The worst thing was it was something totally out of my control . I couldn't help the fact I randomly got diagnosed with Crohn's disease I was devastated to say the least.

Until this happened I had no idea of how much importance I had put on my body image it's kind of sad really don't get me wrong your self image is important but not as important as what's on the inside. I know sounds so cliché but fact of the matter is it would seem I put so much importance on my psychical appearance that when I lost certain assets I held dear it made me sort of become closed off and cut off from things/people/opportunities it became an unwelcome barrier in my life. 
But being ill and all, gave me lots of time to think (and made it easier to avoid mirrors an checking out my crusty bones) about what the hell I was doing with my life, it gave me the much needed time I needed to work on self development. 
You know that saying ' you can't expect someone to love you until you learn to truly love yourself'. Well I'd fallen out of love with the body I once loved and adored. 

I started a journey of self discovery and self love there isn't anything wrong with being the 'skinny black girl' but for me personally it's not my cup of tea but you have to deal with what your dealt. And as long as your healthy anyone who has anything to say can kindly drop off the side of a cliff!

It's important to love the skin your in and if there's something you don't like be active in making a change or learn to see the beauty in it. Don't sit an mope about if that's not helping anyone least of all you and it's such a big waste of time and energy.

The Internet can be a massive inspiration with people taking the time to share their thoughts and experiences giving motivation for others on there personal journey. It's amazing when I think about how many people are in the same boat as me, it's nice to know your not alone. 

So for me personally I've made some goals for myself to help me on my journey of self love
• healthier diet
• become a healthy weight without binging on a bunch of junk foods
• work on my spiritual life
• try and stay positive or at least see  the positives in everything and concentrate less on the negatives
• be great full for all blessings big or small and try not to take these things for-granted 
•stay focused 
• exercise keep fit and get toned dying for a six pack in Jesus name pending 2016
• not everyday carry the weight of the world on my shoulders it's okay not to be okay sometimes 
•remember I'm not alone an have an amazing network of people surrounding me that love an support me in all aspects of my life

I'm still a work in progress but these are just a few of the things I'm working on to make myself the best version of me possible I'm still not 100% on my bodies appearance but it's okay because I can truly say at this point in my life I'm happy within myself I know God has a special plan for me and I'm eager to see what the future has in store for me I shall slay my skinny ass to my hearts content I refuse to make my insecurities define or control my life! 

check out my youtube video & story time above :)

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